i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that's an acceptable place to lick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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