dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
