I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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