And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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