we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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