and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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