how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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