I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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