Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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