Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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