last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My vagina just clenched in fear
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
