as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We smell like vodka and hangover
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