I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He has the fingertips of a God
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
