um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
