Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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