Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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