You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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