i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
