Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
