Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
