get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
