To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
