Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
