oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
