I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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