i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
