Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've blown a few things in my day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
