Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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