oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just had sex on a roof
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
