i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
