I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
