i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
