There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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