I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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