I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
