Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
