Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
