I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
