i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize