I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
