this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
