I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
