i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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