Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
