you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize