What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
