We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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