I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
