Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
