cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
