What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
