we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
