i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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