Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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