Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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