Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
