I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
