He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
