I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
