Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize