Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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