I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
