So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize