I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
