My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
