If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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