So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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