And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
