His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
