My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
