found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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