I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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