You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
