Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize