How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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