I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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