At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
