what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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