Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
