Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
