Don't you send me to vm
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize