dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
