just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
