omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
