yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
