When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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