I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
