I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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