In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize