I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
