You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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