Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
