just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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