If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
