I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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