saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
