She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
