never play flip cup with pint glasses
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
