im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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