ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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