just come out here and I will go home with you...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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