$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
