I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
