shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just crazy horny about you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
