I am puke
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
