the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
