What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize