Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize