Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
