I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
